Retro Random Video: Richardson, Costello and Football Italia

Chances are if you're a football fan and you live in the UK, you'll know who James Richardson is. As the host of The Guardian's Football Weekly podcast, he's entertained a great many of us for more years than we care to remember with his clever wit and his excellent presentation style.

He also houses a vast array of knowledge about Italian football inside that hairless head of his, and if you've forgotten how that came to be so well-informed, let us remind you.

For ten years, Richardson was the presenter of Gazzetta Football Italia, a Channel 4 TV show that brilliantly did what no-one had dared do before, namely bring us a weekly magazine show with news and features from one of the major football-playing countries of continental Europe.

While Gazzetta Football Italia was shown on Saturdays, there was also an accompanying programme on Sundays featuring a live match from Serie A. This was a real treat for those of us curious to see Italian football shortly after the 1990 World Cup had taken place there.

To get a sense of what the latter programme was like on those occasions, look no further than this superb clip in which James Richardson provides us with a half-time summary like no other.


First things first, the man's got hair and lots of it - a staggering sight for anyone to see.

Secondly, during his introductory scene-setting at Genoa's Marassi Stadium, we get to marvel at the sheer speed with which he talks to camera. No doubt up against the clock with the second half due to begin in a matter of minutes, his words at times fall from his mouth quicker than a drunk on a mountain bike.

And then there's Richardson's run-down of the half-time scores from Serie A. At this point you need to know (if you haven't already guessed) that the special guest for this edition of Football Italia is none other than the acclaimed musician Elvis Costello. Keep this in mind when you hear the Guardian Football Weekly presenter run through the scores and crowbars in EIGHT Elvis Costello song titles in the process. Such pretty words indeed.

As if that wasn't enough, Costello himself proves to be no stooge when it comes to talking about Italian football. He actually knows what he's talking about! Take note, Alan Shearer...

Though it only lasts for little more than five minutes, this clip shows how great TV presentation of football can be if you take the time to bring the right people in. Let's hope someone somewhere reads these words and takes inspiration from them.

Football and Comedy: Alas Smith and Jones (1986) - Tribute to Mel Smith

Sad news reaches us today of the death of Mel Smith, a fine comedy writer, actor and performer who graced British TV screens along with partner Griff Rhys-Jones during the 1980's.

Their long-running BBC show, Alas Smith and Jones, featured many a brilliantly observed sketch that often highlighted the joys and absurdities of everyday life. In tribute to Mel Smith, here's a quick sketch in which he plays the part of a TV announcer reading out the Saturday afternoon football results on Grandstand - itself lost to the changing trends of British programming.

Note the growing euphoria on the part of the announcer as he finally allows himself not just to accept the futility of reading endless football results, but enjoying the opportunity to convey his frustration to a watching public. If only real life was like this every once in a while.

The Big Match - Opening Titles (Part 2)

David Poza, creator of the epic YouTube nostalgiafest 'On This Day' returns with Part 2 of his look back at the opening titles of The Big Match...

1973-74

The big change arrived: a new theme tune. And it’s probably what the fans most remember; it was called La Soiree, by David Ordini. In this season, we saw a longer version than in following seasons, and there were three different versions:

Early season: It includes a panoramic view of Wembley, a terrible miss by Roger Davies of Derby County, an Arsenal player doing funny things (funny at the time, not today), the marvellous double save by Jim Montgomery in the 1973 FA Cup Final (which marks the title), the famous banner (‘NORMAN BITES YER LEGS’) and Bob Stokoe running across the pitch to hug the keeper at the end of the final. From this set of titles some snippets were cut and appeared only during those months, like Jupp Heynckes goal at the UEFA Cup Final the previous season.

Rest of the season: Not so many changes in the format, except from added moments from that season, like Brian Clough laughing at Muhammad Ali or a great save in a Spurs vs Arsenal game. Another change is that Stokoe’s run is shortened, because they wanted to make space for Bill McGarry’s run to hug Phil Parkes after an epic League Cup Final in March.

1974-75

Maybe the season with the most sets of titles; I have counted up to four different kinds. They used a shortened version of the song and there are many things to say about that season.

Early-early season (August-September): It is not currently available on YouTube (but surely I will upload later) and from what I saw before, it’s just a goal and action review from the 73-74 season. Many things survived until the next set of titles, including Dennis Tueart’s goal at Oxford, Kevin Keegan’s goal in the 1974 FA Cup Final and Keith Weller’s magnificent goal at Luton were shown - all surviving until December. Also the way the 'The Big Match' logo was shown was very bizarre indeed...

September until December: Not so many changes in the format. The items previously mentioned were intact, and only minor changes appeared like Terry Mancini having fun in a game against Stoke and Bobby Gould celebrating a goal with West Ham (remember those two names). Also the appearance of a banner showing 'City Prepare to Meet Thy Doog' and the man himself, Derek Dougan, praying on his knees.

December until March-April: Probably the major change of this season. Many things disappeared and many others were updated. First, a great goal from West Ham against Wolves, moving through Malcolm Allison or a great save at Millwall (not sure), we see the logo stopping a great play by Chelsea... which finishes with a goal. Then, Frank Worthington doing comedy and our Terry Mancini with a wig... or is it his real hair? Also notice a Spurs player with a black eye and the magic sponge being applied. The end of the titles include a diving Newcastle player, a goal by Stan Bowles and a magnificent goal by Orient at the Texaco Cup.  Bobby Gould (remember?) is the last image of this set.

Late season: Another big change, with only two games included: both FA semi-final replays and both winners’ celebrations. But notice one thing: the so-called underdogs (Fulham) are shown in almost three quarters of the whole video, including celebrations in the dressing room, with some fans having a drink and singing (is this what happens nowadays?) West Ham only has 20 seconds with a slow-down picture of the players celebrating a goal. Oh! And Bobby Gould smiling again.

1975-76

In this season we see up to three versions of the opening titles, and during the first part of the season we're invited to watch the first moments of the FA Cup Final! As the whistle blows, Alan Taylor scores one of his goals to help West Ham win the Cup. Bobby Moore and Alan Mullery appear as Fulham players after the game and then Billy Bonds appears with the Cup as 'THE BIG MATCH' appears. After that, this happened:

In the early season, we were shown several clips from the 1974-75 season, including Freddie Starr dressed as Hitler, Dickie Guy saving his penalty against Leeds United in the FA Cup or some mistakes by strugglers Chelsea and Spurs. A wonderful team goal from the Home Championships (by Brian Flynn) appeared for the rest of the season, and we were delighted to see women’s football in the form of a rather funny celebration.

During September to February, new material was added; Willie Carr’s goal against Birmingham, Franny Lee and Mike Summerbee not playing for Man City, and a certain character whose identity is not yet known at present (Note: If someone knows who is he, please, tell us!) Oh - and don’t forget that great name in British refereeing called Mr Kirkpatrick and his funny way of running.

End of the season, and the longer version of the theme was played, introducing several teams leaving their locker rooms heading to the ground (Arsenal, Leicester and Spurs are shown). After that, some action from the season including Alan Woodward’s scorcher at Derby, Bobby Moore in the Christmas Special and a couple of great saves too. The women’s football celebration is still in there and we have another scene of Mister Kirkpatrick telling us “When will this game finish?!”

1976-77

For this season, I only have one set of opening titles and this is the last time the familiar tune sounded in the full original style. This time we see various scenes from last season and the early part of the current season (which leads me to believe this set was from September). There’s a Fulham player bleeding, Alan Gowling celebrating, a Leeds United player changing his shorts in the middle of a game and Dennis Tueart scoring his wonder goal against Newcastle United in the 1976 League Cup Final. And then, Terry Mancini again, Malcolm MacDonald in the yellow shirt of Arsenal and several pictures from Southampton’s FA Cup victory. The last scene is George Best and Rodney Marsh playing for Fulham – the best of friends.

‘La Soiree’ didn't remain as The Big Match theme after that season, and more changes were on the way...


See also:

• The Big Match - Opening Titles (Part 1)
• The Big Match: Studio Timeline (Part 2)
• The Big Match: Studio Timeline (Part 1)

Football and Comedy: Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads (1973)

Football and comedy. Mention the two words together in a conversation with a football fan and you'll often get the same response: 'Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads.'

The reason is simple. As British sitcoms go, very few encapsulate the dedication to football and the mental anguish of the common supporter like the episode entitled 'No Hiding Place.' For those of you unfamiliar with  this TV classic, here's the back story.

Terry Collier (played by James Bolam) and Bob Ferris (Rodney Bewes) are old pals that grew up in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Having enjoyed and endured a relationship of virtual brotherhood for many years, their time together reached a temporary hiatus when Collier joined the army and travelled abroad as a result of his military service.

Five years on, Collier returns home to Newcastle and is reunited with his old pal Ferris, but their home town has changed beyond comprehension. Many of the old buildings have been pulled down, former friends have moved on and the swinging Sixties have made way for the sensible Seventies. Terry is struggling to understand what has happened to the world he left behind, and when we pick up the story in this episode, even a trip to a hairdressing salon proves to be an eye-opening experience...



00:00
Surely one of the greatest TV theme tunes of all time, accompanied by a title sequence that illustrates the history of Bob and Terry's friendship. Their younger years featured in The Likely Lads which ran for three series on BBC television between 1964 and 1966. Some of the pictures shown in the titles derive from this series.

00:30
A never-more-70s hairdressing boutique welcomes the arrival of Bob and Terry, the latter alarmed that (a) it's not a barber's shop anymore, (b) women work there, and (c) getting your hair washed appears to be the new norm. As for manicures...

03:08
The first mention of football as Gary, one of the hairdressers, asks Bob who he thinks will win the Bulgaria v England match taking place that day. It's a lunchtime kick-off, but highlights of the game aren't due to be shown until that same evening. Ah yes, those dark, distant days when even an international match wasn't guaranteed to be shown live on TV...

Terry and Bob are planning to avoid the score all day in the hope of adding some excitement to their televisual banquet later that night, but will they make it?

04:54
In through the door walks Flint, an acquaintance of Bob and Terry and a man they can well do without seeing. Flint almost lets slip the latest news from Bulgaria, but our desperate duo exit quickly from the salon before hearing something unfortunate.

Incidentally, Flint is played by Brian Glover, a well-known actor back in the day and someone with his own football connections having played PE teacher Mr Sugden in the film Kes.

05:36
Oh dear - the secret's out... "2-0!" shouts Flint as Bob and Terry flee the scene. They arrive at their favourite pub, The Black Horse and come to terms with what they've just heard. Here we get a great piece of dialogue about the way football scores are discussed. "People don't go around saying 'nil-two' do they?" says, Bob, and you have to admit, he's got a point...

Luckily for the fellas, it's all a ruse; the match hasn't even kicked off yet, and Flint was merely pulling their leg. What a rotten thing to do...

06:37
Time for some casual international stereotyping now as Terry discusses the dubious qualities of Britain's foreign neighbours. Be it Koreans, Russians, Egyptians, Italians, French, Germans, Spaniards, Danes or Americans, they've all got negative qualities that Collier can't stand.

Such matters are cast aside, however, when Flint walks in and bets the lads that they won't be able to avoid the score until 10.20pm. Their first test comes when Flint turns on his portable radio...

10:55
Bob and Terry take refuge at the home of Audrey, Terry's sister. Further insinuations ensue about the ability of the Bulgarians to provide a decent playing surface for football along with various references to Enoch Powell and Pan's People that date the episode beautifully.

And then the phone rings... Audrey goes to answer it, but the boys are too shrewd and don't bother waiting to find out who's on the other end of the line. Just as well - it sounds like Flint...

15:15
The local church is the next place of sanctuary for Bob and Terry, but there's still six hours to pass and desperate times call for desperate measures. Personal confessions, games of I Spy and the Eurovision Song Contest are all discussed, but yet again Flint arrives to cause panic where once was calm.

The sequence ends with another topical football reference as Flint delivers 'The Gospel According To Sir Alf'.

22:13
Further problems arise as Bob drives the pair home in his car past a TV rental shop and then a one-legged news vendor bearing a placard. But what will it say? 'England Victory'? 'England Flop'? Time for some excellent ingenuity on the part of our persecuted motorists...

23:29
Finally Bob and Terry arrive back at Bob's new house to watch the match. With less than ten minutes to go, their frustrating ordeal appears to be at an end. With bottles of beer at the ready, their relief at having avoided the score - and Flint - is palpable... but Flint finds a way to collect his winnings in the end.

27:26
It's the moment they've both been waiting for and the TV's switched on. Football awaits... but who's this? It's Corbett Woodall, one time BBC newsreader who throughout the Seventies reprised his role in a number of programmes including Steptoe and Son and The Goodies.

Unfortunately on this occasion, he's the bearer of bad news. Instead of European football, they're about to see the European Figure Skating Championships. Suddenly, that 'England F...' headline makes sense - much to the disdain of The Likely Lads.

The Big Match - Opening Titles (Part 1)

Time for another guest post now as David Poza, creator of the epic 'On This Day' series on YouTube that showcases historical football matches for every day of the year, takes us through the ever-changing opening titles from ITV's classic football highlights programme. Here's Part 1...

The Big Match was the famous rival of Match of The Day and during 15 years it featured some of the best opening titles that I have ever seen. The music changed during the years and probably followed the changing times.

1968-69

The first opening titles are very basic; without much fuss or effort. Just some goals and actions from the last season of the old ATV ‘Star Soccer’ show in London. Very nice to see Leeds United’s goal in the League Cup Final against Arsenal. The longest action shown is the magnificent goal of Bobby Charlton against Spurs, which ends with the commentary of Hugh Johns’ “Oh, a fine goal!”

The music during the next four seasons will be the famous song by Keith Mansfield ‘Young Scene,’ a very catchy song that takes us to the sofa to see… West Ham v QPR for example.

1969-70

We find the first versions of the opening titles, and these will be a constant in almost every season.

Up to October or November, The Big Match had a very simple intro; some goals from the past season including Neil Young’s goal at the FA Cup Final, Bobby Gould celebrating in the League Cup or a very long individual play that ends in a corner at Stamford Bridge (notice the lack of hoardings at the time).

The transformation is complete when colour arrives at LWT. The problem arrives when the archive team doesn’t have any colour pictures from games covered by ITV. The troubles have a very easy answer: take a bit from World Cup ’66, a bit from Pathé recordings of Chelsea v Arsenal and the European Cup of ’68, and everything will be clear!

1970-71

Up to three changes to the opening line-up in the first season of the 70’s.

1. From the early season: First color pictures in the archive! It was just like a review of the late season: Rivelino scoring against Uruguay, George Best sent off for Northern Ireland or the Goal of the Season 1970 (George Graham against Palace) are featured.

2. From December to the end of the season: A random selection of bits and pieces from the early season including Jimmy Greaves at West Ham, Rodney Marsh’s magnificent goal against Birmingham, and the banner of THE BIG MATCH showing Gary Sprake in disbelief after another mistake. At the end, another Golden Goal: Johnny Hollins against Arsenal in September.

3. 24 April1971: A one-off title made to celebrate Frank McLintock’s Footballer of The Year Award. He’s seen at Stamford Bridge talking to his team-mates.

1971-72

The last one to feature Keith Mansfield’s song. It was unaltered until the end of the season except from one fact I will mention later. The titles include some of the most striking pictures so far. Starting with a wrestle at Hull, a Derby player attacking Paddy Crerand (imagine this going backwards and forwards and you get what was funny in those days), George Best humiliating Gordon Banks and finishing with the three winners of the cups making the banner. The variation is the ending, changing Tottenham’s League Cup celebration and Charlie George’s goal at the FA Cup Final the previous year for Stoke’s League Cup final bath and the goal by ’The Old Man,’ George Eastham.

1972-73

There are three versions of the opening credits during this season. The biggest change was the theme tune. Mansfield was retired and The Big Match saluted a piece made by The Don Harper Orchestra called ‘Cheekybird.’ For most, it was a big change (including me) and more changes happened in the presentation of the opening credits.

During the early season, we saw one of the most bizarre titles of the 70’s. This contained superimposed pictures from various Finals and games, so we can see a vicious foul at the FA Cup Final in 1972 and Denis Law celebrating a goal, all superimposed at the same time.

Then a revamp was needed. Maybe the first set of titles didn’t catch the attention of the audience, so a radical change appeared. With THE BIG MATCH title in front, the two teams that were playing the main match were seen leaving the tunnel behind, and that was during a 2-3 month period. And again there was a need for change… so what better than to go back to the classics: pictures of goals and saves.

In January 1973 we were delighted to see… Gordon Banks’ underwear. Probably not the best beginning for an opening credit, but in my opinion, the song and the pictures chosen were appropriate and caught my attention as soon as I saw them. That included among others, Cyril Knowles’ own goal against Crystal Palace, Peter Lorimer’s screamer at Selhurst Park or Jimmy Hill acting as linesman. Great opening credits indeed.

But things were to change again the following season…



Our thanks go to Jamie Pollob for his guest post. Part 2 of his series 'The Big Match - Opening Titles' will feature here on The Football Attic soon.

If you'd like to share your nostalgia memories with us, why not send your words to us like David did? Just drop us a line to admin [at] thefootballattic [dot] com and we'll do the rest!

Football and Comedy: The Goodies (1982)

Football and comedy: two worlds that only usually collide whenever someone employs Joe Kinnear, yet hidden away in the depths of our psyche are images and memories we've harvested from decades spent watching the television.

Though we may have forgotten by now, the world of football has featured in many of our favourite comedy TV programmes. Sometimes a mere passing reference (no pun intended) is all we've needed while at other times nothing less than a full blown tribute to the beautiful game was provided for our viewing pleasure.

And that's why The Football Attic feels it necessary to begin this new series where we highlight these funny football memories from the past, no matter how slight or unfunny they may be. To start off, we bring you a bumper post highlighting an entire episode of The Goodies which is jam-packed full of football references from start to finish.

You can watch the video below, and if you'd like your experience enhanced further still, we've provided a few things to look out for in the listing further down this page. (Oh, and a warning: Some of the language used during this episode is a little... how shall we say... 'of its era'?)



00:00
The opening titles beckon the start of series 9, episode 3 of The Goodies. This series was the only one to be shown on ITV (London Weekend Television specifically) and our featured episode was originally broadcast on 16 January 1982.

During its 12-year run on British TV, The Goodies had several different variations on their theme tune, and if I'm honest this is probably my favourite. Not that you needed to know that or anything.

00:49
Our first sight of football and, if we're not mistaken, it's some grainy stock footage of the 1976 FA Cup Final between Southampton and Manchester United.

01:20
A nice use of some replica Admiral Southampton away kits on the actors there. Of course there's no disguising the fact that this spliced into the original stock footage, but hey ho...

02:17
Our first sight of The Goodies' flat, and there's Tim Brooke-Taylor showing support for his favourite club in real life, Derby County. Then we catch sight of the opening titles to The Big Match, such as they were at the time, but connoisseurs will note that the music doesn't match up to the graphics. The reason for that, we suppose, is that this footage is taken from a 1986 VHS release featuring this episode and one other from series 9. Presumably Jeff Wayne wouldn't allow his excellent theme tune to be used at the time, but at least we can confirm the issue was put right on subsequent DVD releases of this episode.

02:29
Yes, it's the warmest of welcomes to Fred Dinenage, occasional understudy for Dickie Davies on World of Sport and here a more than capable stand-in for Brian Moore. To his credit, Dinenage plays it absolutely straight, telling it like it is - or at least how it was back in the early 1980's. References to Manchester United's entire supporters club being arrested and Chelsea 'hitting six, punching twelve and strangling four' were funny yet satirically reflected the poor state of football in Britain at the time, as the episode goes on to explain...

03:35
Fans of The Goodies will know that their favourite show has a rich tradition of sending up TV commercials that stretches way back to the early 1970's. This time the target was a commercial for Barbican alcohol-free beer, one of several fronted by former Southampton manager Lawrie McMenemy (and here's another). Graeme Garden does an excellent impersonation of Gateshead-born McMenemy, finishing off with a wonderful punchline and comedy pass-out that was so good it made its way into the show's opening titles.

04:59

Who better to report on the growing violent tendencies among football's elite supporters than mild-mannered Kenneth Wolstenholme. Here he is talking to 'Twerp of the Month' Bill Oddie who brilliantly adopts the phraseology of the modern footballer to great effect ("I dunno, I just seem to be getting them right at the moment, Ken...")

06:27
A lovely bit of interplay between Tim Brooke-Taylor and himself on the TV screen where his alter ego appears as a Chief of Police, intent on ridding football of its hooliganism...

07:37
...and to that end Tim removes his football supporter's gear to reveal his Chief of Police uniform. Frustratingly for Brooke-Taylor, his outer garb is taking a long time to remove, so Tim ad libs his way through the sequence with the occasional "Hang on" and "Wait for it" to keep the audience amused.

08:13
A nice reference to the football kit designs of the early 80's. "Look at those shirts" says Tim. "In the old days they didn't have silk shirts. No, they had rough hessian shirts - with collars. Yes, I said collars, but they don't have collars nowadays, oh no. They have plunging necklines..." I'm not sure collars actually had died out by that stage, but the observations made in the dialogue are nonetheless delightfully written.

09:12

Once again we see some location footage taken at a football ground somewhere... but exactly where is it? The answer: Selhurst Park, home of Crystal Palace. There are the terraces upon which Bill stands in his thug persona, and onto the pitch run our traditionally dressed players. Tim Brooke-Taylor provides the commentary, perfectly mimicking the newsreel films of the wartime era.

11:52
Part Two of the show begins with Graeme Garden in traditional 'mad scientist' mode using Subbuteo to test the effects of watching football on some unsuspecting mice in the stands. A great setup you've got there, Graham - not sure about that playing technique though...

16:38

Having converted to the supposedly safe pastime of watching ballet, we're treated to new opening titles for The Big Match complete with David Ordini's theme tune, 'La Soiree', and updated logo. Graeme Garden this time impersonates Brian Moore ('- or Less')

17:10
Over at Covent Garden, the match is about to begin between Aston Villa (featuring Wayne Sleep) and Cricklewood, the latter featuring Garden, Oddie and three men bearing a striking resemblance to Kevin Keegan, Pele and Johann Cruyff.

19:06

A Big Match-style caption provides us with the half-time score, then it's Graeme Garden x 3 thanks to some split-screen jiggery-pokery. Having already given us his Moore-than-capable depiction of the Big Match presenter, we then see him impersonating pundits Brian Clough and Tommy Docherty with some aplomb.

20:41
A small detail it might be, but why is the old guy in the ballet crowd wearing an Ipswich Town rosette?

20:48
Listen out for some fruity narration from Garden: "Are we going to see Sleep's famous banana as he tries to bend it round the wall?"

21:24
A lovely little sequence here as Garden plays the dying swan, and a dying swan with a floppy arm and an itch, at that...

22:32
The game ends as a draw, so penalties are required. But what's this? The players themselves are being thrown into the net starting with Pele, but not before some more fruity narration from Garden who tells us that the Brazilian legend "usually goes to the left."

Unfortunately for Cricklewood, Pele's body crosses the line but his head doesn't, so it's no goal. (A case for goal-line technology if ever we saw one...?)

Wayne Sleep in goal deals capably with Cruyff but he's unable to stop Bill Oddie who fully crosses the line and claims a moral victory for Cricklewood.

Funny game, ballet...

Match of the Day - Episode 1 (1964)

The first edition of the BBC’s Match of the Day programme was aired on 22 August 1964. Shown on BBC2, it was the first time people in the UK (albeit only in London at first) were able to watch football highlights on their own TV screens.

Despite initial fears that it might lead to fewer people going along to watch matches in person, it went on to become an institution of British broadcasting and a go-to programme for British football fans everywhere.

Though today’s Match of the Day is a showcase for slick presentation, superior camerawork and great commentary, the first outing for the show was notably lacking in gloss. To begin, there was no theme tune, no opening title sequence and, this being 1964, everything was in black and white. What you’d have seen was a picture board showing the programme’s title, over which a continuity announcer spoke the following words:

“And now we come to ‘Match of the Day’, the highlights of one of today’s Football League matches. Your commentators are Kenneth Wolstenholme and Wally Barnes.”

What happened after that?  Read on to find out....

1. Introduction

The camera cuts straight to the film footage of Liverpool v Arsenal (complete with barely readable caption) where the home side run out onto the pitch to a noisy but cheerful welcome from the crowd. The first thing to note is Liverpool wearing white shorts, such was the case back then. Bill Shankly would eventually have his side wearing all red because he felt a kit of one colour gave an altogether stronger image to the opposing team. Someone somewhere has probably done research into whether a one-colour kit brings greater success, but now’s not the time to discuss it.

2. Kenneth Wolstenholme

Our first sight of Kenneth Wolstenholme, commentator supreme and still two years away from his iconic performance at the 1966 World Cup Final. In the background we hear the Anfield crowd singing along in unison to 'She Loves You' and Wolstenholme gives us his opening gambit:

“Welcome to Match of the Day, the first of a weekly series coming to you every Saturday on BBC2. As you can hear we’re in Beatleville for this Liverpool versus Arsenal match.”

3. Liverpool

A caption shows us the Liverpool team line-up. Remember, Liverpool were the reigning league champions at the time but two of their number were missing here - Ian St. John with appendicitis and Alf Arrowsmith with a leg injury. Oh for the days when footballers were called ‘Alf’...

4. Arsenal

And so to the Arsenal team which, Wolstenholme tells us, could be heading for glory in the eyes of many people - especially with new signing Don Howe, the former England right back, in their ranks.

5. Wally Barnes

Wolstenholme is joined pitchside by former Arsenal full back Wally Barnes. To a backing tannoy accompaniment of ‘Hippy Hippy Shake’ by The Swinging Blue Jeans, Barnes explains that the absence of Liverpool’s two strikers due to illness could be an unsettling factor for the defending champions.

6. Kick-off

Liverpool kick off, playing from right to left and wearing the grey shirts. Roger Hunt is ready and poised (see top of picture) and with the blow of the whistle from Mr Howley of Middlesbrough, the 1964/65 season gets underway.

7. Early chaos

Chaos ensues as, after a bright start, Ian Callaghan is fouled near the Arsenal goal, but no-one hears the referee’s whistle amid the Anfield din. Arsenal counter-attack and even when the Liverpool keeper Tommy Lawrence gets to throw the ball back upfield for the free kick, Arsenal defender Billy McCulloch intercepts the ball and tries a shot. “None of this matters” exclaims Wolsteholme, but luckily George Eastham figures it all out and brings the game to a temporary halt.

8. Early chance

Despite an opening seven minutes in which both sides have had their fair share of attacking play, it’s Arsenal that get the first decent chance of the game. A free kick taken by George Eastham from just outside the far corner of the penalty area arrows towards Lawrence’s right-hand post, but the Liverpool keeper dives low to smother the ball.

9. Liverpool open the scoring

GOAL! Liverpool’s oft-used ploy of crossing balls into the Arsenal box from the left wing finally pays dividends as Roger Hunt hooks an Ian Calaghan pull-back over the keeper and into the net. “It’s a goal!” shouts Wolstenholme, and who are we to disagree - 1-0 to Liverpool.

10. Caption issues

Note for future reference - make sure captions are positioned correctly so that any ‘1’s aren’t obscured by the half-way line.

11. Half Time

The referee blows for half time. Liverpool have played the better football and edged the possession, but both sides have had their chances. Don Howe’s certainly seen plenty of the ball in the Arsenal defence and is proving a useful close-season buy from West Brom.

12. Wally's First Half summary

Wally Barnes appears on-screen again to give us his verdict of the first half. He feels Liverpool have dominated the first half (perhaps a bit harsh) and correctly highlights the home side’s strength down the left wing which, coincidentally, is where Arsenal are at their weakest. His explanation is spoken to the musical accompaniment of Ken Dodd singing ‘Happiness’ over the Anfield tannoy system.

13. Second Half

Arsenal kick off, playing from right to left in a kit of white shirts, white socks and red socks. Nike - take note. Purple and black simply will not do.

14. Liverpool double their lead

GOAL!  Liverpool go 2-0 up... Ian Callaghan’s cross finds Gordon Wallace who heads in from close range. Once again, no action replay to watch so if you wanted to see the goal again, you’d need either a photographic memory or both teams randomly re-enacting the goal for you.

15. Arsenal back in the game

GOAL! Arsenal pull one back thanks to Geoff Strong who plays a neat one-two with Eastham before unleashing a low shot past the beaten Lawrence. A rare lapse in concentration for what had been a strong Liverpool defence, but still a goal generously applauded goal by the home fans.

16. Arsenal equalise

GOAL! LIVERPOOL 2 ARSENAL 2... Strong plays the ball down the right wing where it’s picked up by Armstrong. He crosses for Baker whose brilliantly angled diving header beats Lawrence again on his left post. It’s two goals in two minutes for The Gunners and they’re right back in it.

17. Lucky omen... but for who?

Another swift flowing move almost results in Armstrong putting Arsenal in front, but Kenneth Wolstenholme has other things on his mind. “A black cat is running on the far side... there it is! A black cat... I wonder which side it supports? Arsenal or Liverpool?” The poor distressed animal runs almost an entire circuit of the pitch, even evading a fan who dives onto the pitch to try and catch it. A reminder to anyone younger than 15: this was an era when animals were regularly seen making random appearances in the middle of top-flight football matches. Nowadays you’ll be lucky if you see so much as a beach ball.

16 Liverpool's late winner

GOAL! Despite being under the cosh from a series of constant Arsenal attacks in the second half, it’s Liverpool who grab the winner in the dying seconds of the match. Receiving a cross-field pass from Ian Callaghan, Gordon Wallace cuts in from the left wing and from yards out lets rip with a storming shot that leaves Furnell floundering. It’s his second and Liverpool’s third.

17. Final whistle

Arsenal throw everything into one last desperate attack but it comes to nought as the referee blows his whistle to end the game. Wolstenholme quickly reappears on-screen, puffing out his cheeks at the exciting climax to a great game. “Well I call it the Match of the Century, I don’t know about the Match of the Day!” he says and, wrong though he probably is, who are we to deny the great man his moment of elation.

Before the end, KW just has time to bring us the other results involving clubs from London. Crystal Palace had “a bad start to Division Two” losing 3-2 at home to Derby, while Fulham lost 2-1 at home to West Ham, “but then one London club had to lose then” explains Wolstenholme helpfully.

18. Closing titles

With that, Kenneth Wolstenholme invites us to watch Match of the Day again next week and we finally get some Newsreel-style music by way of a closing theme.

Nearly 50 years on, it’s fair to say the presentation couldn’t be any more different to that which we know today, but at least the football itself remains the central focus of the programme. While that’s the case, we’ll always look to Match of the Day for our weekly fix of football escapism.

Commercial break

Five TV commercials from yesteryear with a football theme. Click the titles to view the ads...

Penguin (1977)

The unlikely tale of a kids football team playing a Flightless Bird XI from the Antarctic and losing – in humiliating fashion. Having presumably exhausted all other options where local teams were concerned, the children in red-and-white stripes played off on a never-more-Seventies muddy pitch in front of a baying crowd that strongly support the birdy outfit (judging by their hats and scarves). The kids never stood a chance. The referee and various members of the crowd were heavily influenced by the allure of chocolaty Penguin bars and before you knew it, our feathery friends had put the ball in the back of the net. Cue rapturous scenes and a guard of honour as the winners waddled their way off the p-p-p-pitch. Exciting stuff.



Sugar Puffs (1996)

Kevin Keegan, playing sensation of Newcastle United and, in 1996, a manager of equal renown lived for footballing glory. The secret of his success?  The deployment of a seven-foot furry monster as the kind of Supersub that would make David Fairclough feel inadequate. From the comfort of a Wembley TV studio overlooking the famous hallowed turf, Big Kev explained the reason for his most recent success. With a Cup Final heading into extra time, only one monster could win it for his team. On he went and instantly leapt like a salmon to head the ball in from close range. Jonathan Pearce's shouted commentary conveyed the feeling of excitement all around as The Furry One finished a quick bowl of Sugar Puffs and grabbed the trophy from out of Kev’s hands. An extraordinary finish to an extraordinary match.

Tottenham Hotpsur (1984)

In 1984, Tottenham Hotspur won the UEFA Cup beating Anderlecht 4-3 on penalties after a 2-2 draw on aggregate. This should come as no surprise to anyone studying the video footage that remains from the era, including this TV advert which is enlightening to say the least. In it, we see Ossie Ardiles leading out the team at White Hart Lane, resplendent in their clean white shirts… but what’s this? Not only do we find the likes of Clemence, Crooks, Brazil and Archibald but also the elderly Mrs Riddlington, a new wave band called The Sharks, comedian Peter Cook and a cast of thousands. Thirty-five thousand according to the voice-over. No wonder they had a successful side back then, and they were still asking for more people to join in. Then again, Queens Park Rangers were never likely to be a big draw under any circumstances.

Hamlet Cigars (1977)

In this day and age of £140 million lottery jackpots, it’s difficult to remember the weekly ritual that was the Football Pools. Every week, you’d pick up your coupon, scribble an ‘X’ next to the ten matches you thought would end in a draw, pay your money and wait for 5pm on a Saturday. It’s at this point we join the becardiganed hero of our story, played by Brian Glover, listening in to the classified results on the radio. Amazingly he needs only one more score draw to win the jackpot, but when the final result begins “Stenhousemuir 5…” his hopes appear dashed. Thank heavens, then, when the radio announcer finishes the result with the words “…Cowdenbeath 5.”  Elated, our common man reaches for his coat to take a celebratory Hamlet cigar out of his pocket – but in doing so reveals the unposted coupon as it falls to the floor. At least he still had his cigar…

Long Life beer (1985)

If you think FIFA like to tinker around with the beautiful game in all its detail, we can let you into a little secret. Many of their ideas come from Ind Coope, the makers of Long Life beer. Proof of this can be seen in a television commercial where various potential improvements to football are pondered through the narration of Jim Rosenthal. Bigger goal nets, smaller goal nets, square balls, bendy balls, odd balls – all of them are demonstrated here, and amazingly some of them even work. None of these ideas, however, can hold a candle to Long Life beer – the only beer brewed especially for the can (so we’re told). Whether that means it contains extra chemicals to counter-balance the metallic taste, we’re not sure, but either way it must have had more people turning to alcohol out of admiration for its humour and creativity.